Diamonds

Now I know Marilyn (yes, we were on a first name basis) thinks that diamonds are a girl's best friend, but I would like to beg to differ.

Yes, yes, they're rare, pretty and shiny and worth a lot, not to mention the look of envy and awe from other women can be quite gratifying too, but the diamond doesn't actually DO anything unless you have a big enough one then I suppose you could possibly use it as a weapon in a cat fight.

I suppose that is quite a utilitarian p.o.v. but I'd rather have something that actively DOES something to make you feel good. Like a massage chair but better.

A shampoo girl.

One of those not-too-gentle ones that take charge of your scalp, scraping away the brain knots, kneading away at your temple till that taut, stretched out mass of flesh melts into your original face, the one that doesn't look like a face lift gone wrong. Suddenly, the sky is bluer, the grass is greener and I don't feel like running down pedestrians or kicking everyone in their guts.

So when it's time for me to walk down the aisle, and I don't mean the supermarket one, could you (you know who you are) get me a shampoo girl instead of a ring please?

:)