Directions please.

"Those who get lost on the way to school, will never find their way through life."
-German Proverb

I got lost between toilet and classroom when I was 7, and carried a campus map with me throughout college.

Shit.

-------------------

My tragic love story would sound like this.

-------------------

I haven't been honest with myself for a long time and it feels, at times, that I've never been at all.

I read one heck of a kisah benar (true story) here and there and I get it into my head that I need to write like that, let my inner cow just graze and chew and moo and spit and chew and spit (do cows spit?) but it doesn't happen because, well, I've lost my cow.

Ladies and gentlemens, I don't know where I am.

And this is frustrating because in order for you to estimate how far you've come along (in order to give yourself a pat on the back occasionally), you need two variables for comparison. You've got to remember things, events, milestones, achievements (and their opposites) in order to grade yourself.

Like if you've not been home for a long time, and you've got a 10 hour flight planned and you've been on the plane for, say, 5 hours, you can tell yourself "I'm halfway there".

But this feels like 6 years ago and I am still 19 and still trying to figure things out, which I know is a vicious cycle.

So I do all the things successful people must do: work hard, work smart, be professional, make contacts, learn, control temper, be a people person, control temper, listen, be a self-starter, go-getter and all those chirpy positive things.

And after all that, where am I now?

Still figuring things out.