Must. Maintain.

The grandfather of some people who are friends with our church choir just passed away.

Our conductor/ youth leader requested for people to sing for the requiem mass choir.

After much imagining (note: not thinking) of my own grandma's passing 3 years ago and the thankfulness I felt then of whatever little comfort given me, I felt like I wanted to help with what I could.

So I volunteered and sms-ed my boss to request for half a day's work leave.

One day after the announcement of the matter above (today lah), 24 hours of contemplation after - I am terrified.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I can't bear deaths/ partings and that I cry easily.

I cried when my cousin's classmate got into an accident and died.

I cried when someone that I didn't know from my school died.

I cried when Princess D died.

I cried when that man in The Green Mile died.

Damnit, I cry when ANYONE in ANY MOVIE dies.

Please. Don't. Let. Me. Cry.

It would just be so weird to cry at a stranger's funeral.

Normal people crash parties to get free booze and food and fun.

I crash funerals.

Sick.

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Edit: 4.45pm

The two-hour requiem mass was the longest one I've been to yet (not that I've got many to compare to).

Good news: I didn't bawl. Was concentrating hard on singing the songs right as we didn't get to practice at all. Also, the casket was placed fairly far away from where we were standing. No glimpses of body. Phew.

Bad news: Sang myself hoarse and might not be able to make it for Wednesday night praise and worship, and Thursday night choir practice. But by the will of God, I WILL MAKE IT.

After such an eventful morning, the usual afternoon crawl seems crawlier than usual.