snow on the bloody sahara
I am pathetically thirsty right now.
Hilariously enough, there isn't a drop of drinkable water in the house. The tap water won't do, for it contains SARS, dysentary, ebola and possibly necrotising fasciitis. Plus I suspect the sink begins to sprout hair and howl at the moon and jump out the window to have sexual congress with questionable company every night, no doubt accompanied by a lovely assortment of vermin and collecting amusingly named fungi.
Jesus, in retaliation for my taking His name in vain all these blasphemous years, is making it rain just heavily enough so that in one fell swoop, He's mocking my thirst and preventing me from running down to the convenience store with the hilarious broken-English speaking cashier-people to buy chilled mineral water. The smug little sod is probably sneering and going "How dost thee like THAT, thou horrible little twat?"
McDonalds doesn't deliver for another hour or so. And the stupid raincoatless bastards don't deliver in the rain anyway. The messiah has it in for me. It's not paranoia if they're really out to get you.
I'd boil some water, but a part of me (the part that appears to want to watch me die) keeps saying "No! Wait fifteen minutes and maybe the rain will stop," every 15 minutes. This was 5 sets of 15 minutes ago.
Hilariously enough, there isn't a drop of drinkable water in the house. The tap water won't do, for it contains SARS, dysentary, ebola and possibly necrotising fasciitis. Plus I suspect the sink begins to sprout hair and howl at the moon and jump out the window to have sexual congress with questionable company every night, no doubt accompanied by a lovely assortment of vermin and collecting amusingly named fungi.
Jesus, in retaliation for my taking His name in vain all these blasphemous years, is making it rain just heavily enough so that in one fell swoop, He's mocking my thirst and preventing me from running down to the convenience store with the hilarious broken-English speaking cashier-people to buy chilled mineral water. The smug little sod is probably sneering and going "How dost thee like THAT, thou horrible little twat?"
McDonalds doesn't deliver for another hour or so. And the stupid raincoatless bastards don't deliver in the rain anyway. The messiah has it in for me. It's not paranoia if they're really out to get you.
I'd boil some water, but a part of me (the part that appears to want to watch me die) keeps saying "No! Wait fifteen minutes and maybe the rain will stop," every 15 minutes. This was 5 sets of 15 minutes ago.
posted by FishBalls at 6:57 AM
:
Surely this is a typo? Did I just read Mcdonalds....deliver??
Fastfood has become, faster?
No longer we have to put on the trackies to head to the Golden Arches, the Golden Arches comes TO YOUR FRONT DOOR?
I'm in shock.
lc: yeah they do deliver here.But in a move that demonstrates the decision-making skills of a retarded tape-worm, they don't deliver when there is the slightest hint of rainfall. Which is precisely when you want to get food delivered because you don't want to have to get out from under the blanket where it's warm and safe.
I would have thought with the extreme heat they'd embrace the rain and deliver with vigour. haha
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