:x

I hate that in whatever quarrel or debate -- I always lose.

Simply because I don't think and talk fast enough, nor loud enough, and that I feel like I'm being unreasonable and stupid and female.

And when I want to just shut up and cool down and not make it a big deal, I am accused of making it a big deal and being stubborn and unwilling to handle matters like an adult and talk it through.

But when I try to 'be a man and do the right thing' and amicably talk things through with reason and not get emo -- apparently, I am being indifferent and treating the matter as if it was a joke.

I hate that whoever it is uses my memory (or the lack of it) as an argument point.

Yes, I forget a lot of things, but there are some things that I just don't.

And it's just not fair because I don't bear grudges and I don't have the best of memories so I can't bring up the hundreddifferentthings that you did wrong and use it against you.

I could be petty and write it down in a notebook everytime I've been wronged. That is, if I haven't yet been convinced that I am the doer of evil things and everything is my fault.

Then I'd have nothing to write down.