Think Dirty

pillow thought

def: thoughts while you're lying on a pillow

About: Judging too quickly
Too often, I decide to hate/ dislike/ assume things about people. I find it very vindictive.

Unlike a certain colleague of mine who talks, listens and tries to understand everyone, I want to believe what I believe is true.

And despite this evil-ness that lurks within, I have the galls to say in a conversation that 'I believe people are essentially good', when what I do think when I meet someone I don't know is 'this person's dodgy and probably has crabs'.

But having admitted that, I hope that I'm forgiven (just a little) for my past thoughts and words and that Someone won't exterminate me in my sleep.

I know that 'I'm only human' is no excuse for such atrocious behaviour.

God, help me put a bridle on my tongue and thoughts.

"Kak, do you want to play with my gun?"

Kids can say the most horrible things, and people will always forgive them because 'they don't know better'.

For example my nephews and nieces.

The mum, my cousin, is with her eldest son, Amin, 10, when she meets a friend.
"Amin, call Aunty." (It is a Malaysian thing to tell your children to greet the people you talk to)
"Don't want. She is a Nenek (grandmother)."
"No, Amin! Call her Aunty."
"But mum, she looks like a Nenek!"
"Even so, it's rude dear. You'll hurt her feelings. Call her Aunty."
"Mum, you told me not to lie."
Mum is speechless.

In the car while my cousin and her husband were driving me to the train station after I visited their house for Hari Raya.
Son no.4 Syarif appears to be very facinated with something on my shirt and whispers to son no.3 Arif.
"Kak (Short form for 'Kakak' - sister), Syarif says he wants to touch your bre.."
*Arif repeats this several times before I believe what I am hearing*

The youngest daughter, Sasha, probably about 4, talks to the mom about beauty and class.
"I am a princess, but you are ONLY a queen."
"You are pretty, but I am BEAUTIFUL."

Oh. My.

Any working day

On any working day, I set my alarm clock for 9am, let it ring until it gives up, and get up finally at 9.30am.

I then proceed to do the morning basics - brush my teeth, clear the eye wax and decide whether if it was a good or bad hair day (hide hair or not to hide hair). And no, I don't do morning showers.

I then get changed and decide whether to be casual; which would include cargo pants/ jeans, a baby tee and my red sneakers, super casual; a denim skirt, baby tee and my pink Crocs, or if I would be professional (which seldom happens) and wear pants, boots, and some collared shirt or a wooly sweater.

When picking what I wear, there is one very important consideration: the weather.

If it is rainy, I must be prepared with at least a coat, jacket, an extra sweater or a scarf. This is thanks to the arctic-like temperature in the office which is further aggravated by a rainy day.

If it's not rainy, one of the above items will do. Some times.

I then pack my bag and make sure that my keys, phone, wallet, small change (for cab), tape recorder, two pens, a notepad, phone earphones, normal earphones, a book, Moob's nintendo DS, butter lip balm, pepper spray and some mints are in (thanks to the boyfriend, my bag has space for all of that and more).

By the time I'm done with this, I would usually be hit with sudden panic that I will be late for work.

Which is why getting a cab is so stressful then.

But one usually turns up in time, and I get to work about 10am.

I read the papers, check for my day's assignments and then proceed for breakfast in the cafeteria downstairs.

As for the rest of the day, it involves a lot of rearranging words, going out for events, eating, replying e-mails, phone calls, eating and thinking about going home.

Don't you just want to be me?


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Also, I would like to note that there are many things that many people can say to offend many people. In order for words to be offensive, it is a rule that one of these conditions must apply.
i) They were written with the intention to offend
ii) The people who read them want to be offended
E.g. You're stupid and your mother is a whore
Explanation: If you don't think you're stupid and you don't think your mother is a whore, then she isn't.

Words only mean something if you think they mean something. I did not think it meant something because it is not within my scope of prejudices for it to mean whatever it was supposed to mean, if that means anything.

I'm kinda confused now. I will stop.

O.

pillow talk

About: Going 'all the way'
Not that way, you *censored* people, but the 'forever and ever til death do us part' way.
With so many *censored*, so many *censored* gone bad, so many *censored* and *censored* - is it possible for one to stay committed for 'as long as you both shall live' these days? (I apologise should anyone feel that this is targetted at them. I will take it down if you wish so)
The people of our generation have been taught to have short attention spans (I didn't really mean this), and that commitments and promises are meant to be broken - do 'I love youse' last ten, twenty, thirty, fourty years down the line?
We tell us that we're special (I assure you that you are special, I was just speaking figuratively and is not referring to any person, living or dead), that we will keep to that vow and that no matter what happens, we will make it work - but didn't all the couples around the world (real life and soap operas alike) make the same vows too?

Sometimes I wonder if it is that I have too little faith in people, or just in myself.


About: Sydney, Australia
I've always thought Malaysia to be too *censored*, too *censored*, too hot (if some of you find this untrue too, please tell me).
I've always felt that I've been deprived of the opportunity to go overseas and experience the culture that I've only seen in pictures (crap, I've not even seen snow).
But every time we discuss the possibility of leaving this dreaded place and settling down in Sydney (because that's the place he loves best) where the opportunities are infinite and the weather is heavenly (except for summer), I start sniffling.

I don't want to leave home EVER, if it was up to me.
I can't bear the thought of not seeing my brothers grow up and not being with my parents when they grow old.
I am so emotionally dependant on my family that people would think I was a kindy kid, going to school for the first time and worried that her home won't be there when she finishes.

So what do you guys think? Should I marry my family or Moobs?



Exclusion clause: No, he hasn't proposed or anything like that. We were just scrutinising the possible option of marriage (if it happens at all) in the future, because, you know, that's what cool people do.

The new craze

Moobs and I are currently staying in an apartment together with another guy from China.

He dissapears sometimes, for DAYS on end.
Never seems to go for class.
Sings at the top of his lungs, out of tune, in the middle of the night.
Sits on the living room couch, IN THE DARK during some evenings.
Smokes in the toilet with the windows closed.
Consumes dozens of bottles of 'cooking wine' (as can be observed from the empty bottles in our kitchen).
And he wears blue speedos.

And we thought to ourselves - are these China habits?

You know, some rural ritual or something. But they couldn't be. Our previous China flatmate before this was decent enough, and she wasn't rural at all.

And then I saw.


crazy english reader

You can't get crazier than that.

Anchorman is a stupid show :P

pillow talk
def: private conversation, endearments, or confidences exchanged in bed

About: Who we're allowed to sleep with should the opportunity arise
Moobs' Top 5
1. Norah Jones
2. Milla Jovovich
3. Michelle Rodriguez
4. Jennifer Connelly
5. Evangeline Lily

My Top 5
1. Adrien Brody
2. Brad Pitt
3. Angeline Jolie (I would turn for her)
4. Neil Gaiman
5. Nigel Barker

And should these people be unavailable (die or something),
Moobs likes: Natasha Bedingfield, Jewel Strait and Alicia Keys
I like: Daniel Wu, Jensen Button and David Schwimmer (he was such a darling on Friends, I can't help it!)


About: Being too happy
It seems to be the case, as observed on TV shows, that when someone is too happy, luck runs out and someone or something takes it away.

Being quite smug with happiness right now, I'm worried.


About: The purpose of blogging
I used to write two, three, five times a day back in xanga. It just felt good and served as an organiser for forgetful me.

And then I made friends online, and got used to having them around, and we took interest in what went on with each other on our side of the globe.

And then I moved because I wanted 'solitude' and was trying to keep prying eyes away. I got it alright.

Can't say I like it much though.

Howling at the moon

On the 15th of the eight month in the chinese calendar, my family and I celebrate the Mooncake Festival.



The evening's festivities would usually begin around 8pm after we've had dinner and the dishes were washed and the laundry was done.

My mom and I would dig out the past years' chinese lanterns, accumulated since I was 9 and proceed to our terrace where metal wires have been tied from one pillar to another.

I would then proceed to bully my sis and two younger brothers into helping me hang them up, keeping up a race between human and lantern to see if we could manage to keep all the lanterns lit; and when that moment came, we would all sit back on the rotan chairs that are older than I am, wait for mom to come out with her choice of mooncakes this year, and take the glow in.

Dad, usually distant and chained to his chair in front of the TV, would join us, just for tonight.

And we would talk; daughters, father, sons, mother, until the last candle has been burnt and the last lantern's glow dims.

And we would all try to shy away from the task of cleaning up the candle wax on the tiles, and packing up the lanterns and wires for another year.

And usually, the task would fall to me. Eldest what.

But not this year.

I'm not home.

Tea with the Mad Hatter

I think: That many of us bring miseries upon ourselves in the midst of our joys, picking fights and finding fault with things we're okay with on any other day. It's our way of duping The Guy Up There, telling him, 'Hey, I'm not happy! There's nothing to ruin here, go screw up my housemate whosingsoutoftuneatbloody2inthemorningand *breathes* hogsandsmokesandwanksinthetoiletand *breathes* wearsuglyboxersandswimsinskimpybluespeedos.


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I'm off to Cameron Highlands tomorrow and returning on Wednesday, courtesy of BOH Plantations.

Being a tech obsessed person, the prospect of not having Internet/PC around is quite intimidating, though I know I should be quite thankful for the opportunity to enjoy the glorious nature (in this case, tea leaves).

To relieve me of possible lack-of-technology trauma up in the mountains where the buffaloes roam (or maybe skinny cows if I'm lucky), Moobs has graciously though just slightly reluctantly offered his Almighty Apple Powerbook loaded with episodes of Smallville, LOST, Little Britain and some form of porn for my entertainment.

Yay!

Banzai, Moobs!

P/S Banzai means 'May You Live Forever and Ever', right?