My country tis of thee, sweet land of liberty...

of thee i sing.

Being Malaysian, I've always envied somewhat all the things that Americans had; and revered all that it stood for.

The land of equal opportunities, peace and freedom. The place where numerous have set out to, duped to think that it's a modern day Babylon or Utopia.

No doubt there's more of everything there. No doubt the skies seem sunnier in California.

Although sometimes I envy that a friend who works as a supermarket salesman there earns more in a week than I do in a month, although I fervently wished my national song was more melodious when I see Americans put their hands to their heart and sing the Star Spangled Banner.

I pity them for their pride. I pity them for all they have but do not see and all that they've ruined but failed to miss.

After all, when life is through, you're only allowed non-physical baggage check-ins.

"Welcome to the Hotel California...
Such a lovely place...
Such a lovely face."

----------------------------

Yasmin Ahmad wrote an insightful piece of poetry titled America. Read it!

About Work & Toilets

It's the third week into my very first job after graduation but yet I've not said a word about it. I was worried I would jump to conclusions therefore I wanted it to sink in a bit before I dissed it too much.

Seeing that I just e-mailed my buddies in KL on my current condition, here's part of it.

----------------------------

(*corp names edited)

Am working as the Marketing Assistant for SOANDSO* Professionals, a business institution that provides ACCA courses and is collaborated with SOME* College. Job's not too bad thus far, writing lots of letters, press releases and calling up ppl to organize events etc. Been going for edu fairs two days in a row now, my babbling abilities have definately increased.

I Miss Journalism and yet I don't. It has its perks but there's something satisfying about being able to help students find their way, applying for scholarships and such considering I was such a Lost Goat when i was their age and had no one to guide me.

Plus, great colleagues, No Politics NIL. Never quite thought that was possible.

Will be doing their ads etc in the future i think, as well brochure, booklet design. Might be helping out with their newsletter too. Hope that'll teach me a little bit more about advertising - keeping fingers crossed xx.

This job's not gonna be forever as I've other things I want to do in sight, but there's much to learn yet, so i'll be sticking to it for awhile.

Shhh about your pays though. It does so get me depressed. Heh.

-------------------------

As that might've bored you guys quite a bit, here's something funny.

A notice found on the inner side of my office's toilet door.

It's so funny, really.

You'd have thought that being adults, people would know how to use a toilet. You'd have thought being women they'd be more hygenic. But they don't. I however find there's a lacking of detail in that notice. If it were up to me I'd put a hell long list of all the things woman shouldn't do while using the toilet.

1. Do not throw Unidentified Objects (tissue paper plastic wrappings, tampons, sanitary pads) into the bowl.
2. Sit, woman, sit. I know you might be grossed out that someone else's butt warmed it before yours, but you could do the WongFeiHung and do that Semi Sit-Squat Thing rather than trampling all over leaving your size 9 shoe prints on it.
3. As a cute poster thing I saw wrote, "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie."
4. Be focused.

I still have no idea why someone would want to pee on the floor.

It does so get your shoes dirty.

Pissify Me.

I woke up feeling like any person does on a Monday morning; wide-eyed, gorgeous, and ready to conquer the world.

Just kidding.

Well, I woke up as how I usually do on a working day - 15 minutes after the alarm on my trusty Nokia goes off. I crawled out of bed and realized I've not much time to be pretty today, so I consoled myself by grinning at the mirror and telling myself I'm beautiful anyway, then scampered downstairs to have breakfast.

Boys and Girls,
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
Don't skip it.

Anyhow, upon entering the kitchen I saw my dad, who usually at this hour reads his papers while languishing on the porcelain chair.

Curious enough, he was waiting to speak to me.

"Later when you go to work you stop by Timberland for me," says he.

(Timberland is a private medical centre near my work place)

"Oh, you want me to pass something to Doctor T?", referring to my dad's friend whom we bumped into a few days ago.

"Nolah. You take this and tell them to do a test on it," says the man who once was my hero as he passed me a pink plastic bag with some bottle and a piece of medical prescription paper in it.

"It's my urine. Take it for a urine test."

My left eyebrow goes up.

"Here's the money to pay for it, and tell them to send the report over to Doctor T when it's done."

My eyebrow is still up.

Okay, dad.

ONLY because it's you.

And I skipped merrily to the lab with a pink plastic bag in one hand,
and my mineral water bottle in the other.

Crossing The Line

Meaning #1. Drawing a line across another line.
Meaning #2. Braving the unknown/ an act of courage
Meaning #3. Or stupidity
Meaning #4. Going over the acceptable limit a.k.a. being a Perverted Repulsive Insensitive Chauvinistic Kunt (normally spelled as ‘cunt’)(PRICK).

Today children, we shall talk about being a PRICK.


Lesson #1
Your Sex Stories Do Not Impress Anyone But Yourself.

As much as you think the elasticity of your dick and your ability to make imaginary girlfriends ‘want more’ is astoundingly impressive, it is not.

Quit doing your version of the song Milkshake. We don’t really care if yours is really better.

True Casanovas/ heartthrobs stay ‘underground’ because they are on the prey and they know their reputation precedes them. They have no need for self-advertising.

Empty cans make the most noises.

Do not mistake looks of utter shock/ disbelief/ disgust for awe.



Lesson #2
Peeping Toms And Groping Impulses

This has never been applauded by society, and never will be. Not even when it's your friends that you're doing it to.

I liken friends to kin. Imagine peeping/ groping your mother, sister or grandma. It's a whole new level of Ick-ness.

Laughing nervously is not the same as laughing with you.

----------------

I want and I’ve tried to believe that there’s more to people than what they try to appear to be.

I want to believe there’s some form of decency in every person.

But it really is quite impossible in this case when it is repetitively shown/ proven that the person is REALLY quite disgusting (see 'asshole').

Just when I thought I forgot what the word meant. I am harshly reminded.

The One Week Acquaintance

Smile, though your heart is aching.
Smile, even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky,
you'll get by.

Home's not very far away.

Home is where your heart is.
And where your friends are.

Cheer up, mate. I'll be coming over soon.

The lady with the melodious laugh

The lady with the melodious laugh,
Her court feels a tingle every time she does.
But little do they know,
of her nightmarish foes,
who lurk,
who lurk.

Waiting til slumber she falls into,
Waiting til company she has not,
Waiting til tonight
the empty space besides her,
A void within her
it becomes.

----------------

Friend,

Once we were, and then we were not.

I know you've often felt bad for all the things you've done. I can't say that I was never angry, never sad. I can't say I wasn't stung when you chose greener plains and left me to fend on my own. I know this sounds like it was a battle. And it was.

Being in a room full of apparently very highly intelligent beings, I often felt small. Just not enough. And I resented you for not holding my hand (metaphorically) through those days.

But it's okay now.

Like the parable of the Prodigal Son, all that matters is you came back (literally and metaphorically).

Thank you for wanting to.

Killing him softly...

Oh troubled mind, let me be at peace!

How can it be possible that when someone has a sudden liking/ obsession with you, it’s your fault?

Beats me. But I certainly do think in this case (that is not so special as this is the second occurrence), it is probably most definitely my responsibility.

It’s like the World Wars somehow, inevitably linked just because they were both equally terrible. As if the first one was the prerequisite for the second.

Or like how when someone says your sister’s a slut, and you feel like you’ve just been insulted too (not that it has really been said).

Ah! The incomprehensible phenomenon of linkages.

Where was I? Oh yea.

A certain friend whom I’ve been close to, yet distant with (what a contradiction ay?) likes me and I’ve been avoiding him like the plague.

No phone calls answered. No messages replied. No eye contact.

And somehow this has placed me in a position of unexplainable guilt.

I trulymadlydeeply (yes, like the song) feel bad about having to be such a bitch about it. I felt so wicked in fact that my usually peaceful slumber last night was haunted by a black and white silent movie of how he went psycho and tried to clobber me to death.

Traumatizing. Really.

How do you break it gently to someone? How do you convey the 'its not you, it's me' speech without sounding like a prat?

And at the back of my head, a song is playing…

"Strumming my pain with her fingers...killing me softly with her song...killling me softly...with her song..."

Sleeping In The Car..

was thankfully something I didn't have to do tonight.

And I'll tell you why later. But first, I'll tell you about tonight.

Twas a good night, it was.

Hit Bings! with Moobies who was ever so nice to buy me a drink (though technically I just didn't pay him). Caramel ice blended coffee does so give me the sugar 'lift' I need considering I'm not quite used to not getting my daily 8 hours worth of sleep and was feeling quite pooped. That plus a massive amount of pinching and poking the much lovable Moobs who repeatedly told me how great I was boosted my ego immensely.

After an hour's worth of therapy from him, my dear high school slackandsleepduringaddmaths mate, the Mic with the H thus Mich finally showed up, and much gossiping took place.

Mich - thou shalt not covet my bosom. Thy bosom art ample enough.

Sex stories were the highlight. I felt honestly stupid I tell you. My being the eldest (and fairest) of all, and yet nothing to share. Thank goodness for all those trashy love novels I read when I was young and stupid and didn't know what good literature was. That plus all the 'sharing' sessions that I've had with numerous pals who've had plenty of action.

Those who have had experience, tell me it's not worth the emotional trauma. Oddest thing though is that I tell myself that too. Is it right to not have experienced something, and yet judge/ discuss it?

Digressed.

Night progressed. After much effort, I finished one beer. Ick. Beer is Ick. And it makes you fat too.

We then strolled across the road to a chinese health food place (that opens in the middle of the night, how ironic eh?) and had healthy things to eat.

In the midst of all the jabber, my wiser self that had been hidden under all the make up suddenly remembered that I might not have brought a house key.

Discreetly I rummaged through my bag, my wallet, and in the packet of tissue i had.

2.15am.

No key found. Parents asleep. One conclusion.

Sleep in dad's car.

Kind Moobs was a tad worried. I was too, honestly speaking.

What if some thief came, saw me in the car and was captivated by my beauty and my funky hair?

Opened the gate, went into the compound so as not to worry Moobs and waited til his car left before I peeked into the window.

What are the chances that the one night I didn't bring my key (well, this is only the second time), my brother was up awake sneakily playing games on the computer without my parents' knowledge.

Thank heavens for rebellious brothers.

Someone loves me.
(shut up Moobs/Mich)

I do too!

Stars On Poles

A Kuching flyover, deserted late at night.

Don't you guys think the streetlamps look like stars on a pole?

Wouldn't it be ever so romantic if we imagined that someone who loved you lit them up to guide you on your way home.

Like Hansel and Gretel leaving breadcrumbs. Or the star that guided the three wise men.

I am so facinated with the photo.

---------------------

Photograph courtesy of Kenie who sent it cause he wanted to prove to me how 'not' beautiful Kuching scenery is.Don't think it worked, Hun. ;)

Beauty Lies In Your Mind

Beauty lies in how you see things and what you want to see in them.

If you seek to see beauty in all, you can't help but do.

Some say this is denial.

It is not that the sceneries of other countries are better, or that they have prettier skies. It is not that their sun shines brighter, or the sea that reflects the moon deeper.

A person who wishes to remain oblivious, closes his eyes and sees darkness though it is daylight.

A person who wishes otherwise, sees wonder all around. Why, even ragged beggars on the streets are a work of art.

Someone's darling is always the most beautiful to that person because they see a distinct private 'quality' in them. This however does not make any other person's darling any less enchanting.

What lies before you is only beautiful because you believe it is.

Under The Alcohol Of Influence

(said under the influence of alcohol)

I've been hitting the bars in town three nights in a row now; all under different circumstances.

Thursday Night:

I drank some.

I planned to be good. Really I did. I went to watch a basketball match as the team playing was coached by a friend. I got home at 10:45pm - insanely early considering that I've no curfew; a fact that never fails to delight me every time I visualize myself running through fields of marigold, arms outstretched, hair flowing - if my hair was long enough.

Got on the computer and a friend showed symptoms of much distress. Concluding that she needed to be 'out taking fresh air', a mutual friend picked us up and we ended up in Grappa - a hip-hop/ r&b pub.

And was I shocked. Thursday night and the place was P.A.C.K.E.D. The night slowly slipped by as TheChauffeur and I slowly sipped our beers, while the MuchDistressedLady went and mingled with hunky gay-looking models. Thechauffeur then dumped a ciggy butt into his drink (I think he didn't want it anymore) but being rebuked by the MuchDistressedLady, he downed the whole mug straight.

Now there is a myth that ciggie ashes + beer makes you sick. TheChauffeur proved fiction to be fact and ended up throwing up throughout the night. I drove us all home with his car, although I think it was quite a traumatising experience for the both of them as

1. I've never driven at night before, and
2. I didn't even know where the handle for the lights were.
   

Friday Night:

I drank none.

Went to lin lin (went for a spin in the car) with my friend with the ride bringing us to Soho, a house music/trance posers' pub where pubbers who thought they were clubbers overdressed and sat around staring as the uncool slouch by.

Friend bumped into friends there. I sat with them. I believe I've never been so bored in my entire life.

I usually don't stereotype age with maturity, but this is one case that compels me to condemn all younger people as being just plain stupid. Thank God I was never young.

I could barely keep count of how many times those babies repeated all the swear words in the English language or hokkien.

I know you know. Don't act like your parents just gave you a license to swear and you're saying them as if your life depended on it.


Saturday Night:

Soho again. I drank enough to go to the loo plenty of times.

10.20p.m.- 4 people, 1st bottle of Chivas.
A little while later - 7 people, 2nd bottle of Chivas.
12.50a.m. - I can't remember how many people there was, but 3rd bottle of Chivas.

It was different. Fun. Very.

I met new people who did not sit around looking classy, and some old friends whom I've not hung out with for a long, long time.

There was ArthurTheFlirt from my church carolling days- who promised to take care of everyone because he was the oldest - but alcohol I reckon is the elixir of youth that many seek - turning men into boys who blabber incoherently.

Then there was James111; my high school prom date, my college hostel junk food supplier, my afternoon ice kacang partner and TheOneWhoSnuckMeOutAfterCurfewDuringRebelliousDays.

With him he brought JoyokiTheSquintyEyedDoctor who is back on her holiday from Russia. She laughed a lot; a major contribution to the night as it is deemed that the more noise your group makes - the more fun you're having. She didn't bring me my vodka though. Poo.

Another key character of the night was DerekAmazingBreasts whom I met for the first time. We've known about each other for a while now through MichTheWestieLovingAunt's blog but have never made contact. I like DerekAmazingBreasts, he tells me what I want to hear. Hehe.

-----------------

Like every story told, there has to be a conclusion that sums it up and makes sense of it - should the rambling be too long and you've no idea what I've been saying.

I've a few conclusions actually.

1. Never drink beer that has been contaminated with ciggie ashes.
2. Cars, local model - Lights on the right.
   
3. Swearing is not cool. Unless of course if you really mean it.
4. Everyone younger than you is too young, and everyone older; too old.
   
5. Mathematical progression: the more people there is, the more alcohol you order.
6. I had the most fun the night I had the most alcohol. There must be a causal relationship somewhere.
7. I have friends outside the Internet after all! *phew*

Prose For Alli

I saw your msn tag, and remembered this.

The night has a thousand eyes,
And the day but one;
Yet the light of the bright world dies
With the dying sun.

The mind has a thousand eyes,
And the heart but one:
Yet the light of a whole life dies
When love is done.

-- Francis William Bourdillon

Last Minute Socializing

I'm usually too lazy to go out much these days, I just don't see the point in sitting in some cafe drinking overpriced coffee that is so sweet that i predict diabetes in the near future.

Tonight has been a series of group hopping though.

Went out for dinner at a posh local restaurant named Jambu. Initially I was reluctant as I was told a few other blog celebrities would be coming as well - which caused me minor anxiety as I'm usually not keen on having big group social events. After much self persuasion - it turned out to be a close bunch of friends and those celebrities didn't turn up after all.

On Jambu (forgot my camera) - the decor wasn't bad though they could do with better air-conditioning. The food was okay - though I feel the price was highly unreasonable for such a meal - I've paid less for better food. Would I go there again? No. Would I recommend it? No. I'm sorry eh. It was okay for a one-time thing, but I don't fancy fancy restaurants and their fancy dishes which names I can't pronounce and sound like genitals. They make me feel inadequate. Next time, we just eat junk at my place yah?

After the dinner, went over to Cribs (again, no picture) - a new cafe in town. For Kuchingites - I think it's way better than Bings! which is overcrowded with Tai Tais and wannabe AhBengLians who talk too loud.

Hung around Cribs for about half an hour before two friends of mine came to pick me up and we chatted while they had drinks at coffee bean - I was still bloated from dinner.

Then we headed to some roadside burger stall near SiangSiang FoodCourt, then they sent me home. 12a.m. sharp. I feel like Cinderella.

But Cindy's gonna go out again now. I don't know where to, but I simply must make full use of my 'unemployed status'. None of this reckless frolicking once I start work on Monday.

Man. I sound so responsible. I'm impressed. ;)

Have a good weekend folks.


Note to:

Alli - i didn't have to imagine people sitting on toilet bowls after all!
Rom - where on earth are you!!!!!!?
LC - it'll work out babe. and if you decide to tour Malaysia and come to Kuching, I'm here!

Faith On Tuesday

Waking up crying from a nightmare is possibly the worst start to a day; especially when you've got an interview in a couple of hours and you just can't find it in you to be perky.

The call-back interview took only half an hour and by the time I was out - I was glowing like a pregnant woman, or for lack of a better description, coyly grinning like the Mona Lisa.

As of next Monday, I'm starting work as the Marketing Executive for a business education institution that caters professional accounting courses. The pay's not great (better than that darn newspaper's though) but that's inconsequential - I'm being paid to learn and I gather that's a pretty good bargain considering I know nuts about marketing.

Plus, they're letting me take a week's leave to go for my convocation in August. Whooohoo.

-------------

I've been doing mental victory jiggies throughout the day. Am deliriously happy with how things have turned out. How things that I did not expect, came my way anyway.

A few posts ago, Alli made this comment:

"Put God first ... seek first what he wants and ALL these things - all the extras and hidden add-ons will be given to you. "

I don't know if you realized the impact these words had on me babe. For every doubt that I had during the entire week, I reflected upon your words and mental forced myself to have faith.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. - Hebrews 11:1

I'm currently in battle mode and I know that I can conquer all - whatever it may be.

Thank you for your book Kenie.

No Shows

(n.) A person or object that fails to turn up when it has been arranged to appear.

(Source: Urban Dictionary)

This week has been a horrible recap of all the no shows I've experienced. I seriously think it's a Malaysian problem to have no regards for other people's time. I feel the need to trash these people as they made my day(s)/ weekend(s)/ week(s)/ month(s) pretty miserable one time or another.

No show #1: The Fugwit Employer

The one who calls you in for an interview, but doesn't show up til an hour later when someone finally calls him up and reminds him. The one who conveniently forgets about the interview because he is an important man/ woman with important businesses to attend to and you're just a new graduate that can be pushed around because you've no other job offers and can't be picky.

Solution: "Hello, I'm calling to decline your job offer as I feel that your company's work ethics would be detrimental to my career progress. Could you please return me my passport sized photos?"


No show #2: The Giordano Guy Who Wanted Supper

The one who asked you to wait up for him/ her to finish work so that you guys could hang out, and makes you wait til 3a.m. on a school night before he conveniently sms-es you to tell you he won't be coming because he fell asleep after taking a shower. He promises to make it up to you, but this falling asleep thing seems to be an incurable disease that strikes like a ghost in a Japanese horror flick every night after he takes a shower.

Solution:

He says, " Hey Kim, sorry about the other night (which other night?). I'll give you a call tonight and maybe we could go out for a drink?"

I say, "Uh-huh."

No more okays, no more see yous.

No show #3: The One Who Has A Life

The one who believes that he/ she has a life and you don't. The one who promises that this weekend you guys will catch up, so you make time and refuse all other appointments because you think that well, you're booked. Little do you know that the booking is subject to TOWHAL's availability.

Contract conditions in small print say: If the subject does not call/ sms/ contact you after the period of which the date expires, it is naturally assumed that the date was cancelled.

Why thank you very much, how considerate of you.

Solution: You no show me. I no show you.

The author has currently changed her lifestyle, and is listed as an honorary member of TOWHAL. For hang out sessions, meals etc. other social activities, a monetary deposit (depending on the person's level of trustworthiness) is required prior to the date of the outing. Should ye who sets the date; break it, the proceeds shall be donated to TOWHAL's wardrobe fund.

Fuggin Nutshit

Are the words that repetitively marqueed through my mind as I took the elevator down to the ground floor of the building I WAS supposed to start work in today.

Here's what happened.

Today was SUPPOSED to be my first day of work. Work starts at 9am, I got there at 830am.

My editor wasn't there yet and the sub-editor was only going to be in at 9, so I waited.

When the sub-ed came, she told me that I had to wait for a certain Ms.Something to register for my clock-in & clock-out card. So I waited some more.

Ms. Something came. She claims that my editor has not given her any instructions, and had no idea that I was reporting for duty today. Neither did the sub-ed.

After some bickering, someone finally called the editor who wasn't in the office yet. He tells them to tell me that I'm not 'approved' yet.

Sub-editor hangs up the phone, apologises.

I ask her when will they let me know then. She says they'll call me.

Fuggin nutshit.

I recap my interview day, and try to remember what went wrong where.

He offered me the job, I accepted. He asked me whether I would like to start right away, or the next month (July). I said next month. He said 'Okay, see you then. We'll call you if there's anything.'

I guess this doesn't count as anything.

Screw them. Screw bureaucracy. Screw mis-management.

Upon getting home, I called up a company who are currently looking for a Marketing Exec. I've an interview set for tomorrow morning, and if I get accepted, goodbye stupid newspaper job that pays shit.

Ugh.

12 hours passed and I'm still pissed.

I LOATH INCOMPETENCE.