Moving Progress

We'll be out of this roach hole by this weekend, and will be meeting with the landlady from hell this Saturday to sort our deposit out.

We anticipate that she'll try to cheat us out of our money to cover excessive electricity bills that the Arab fellows used, as they're the ones with air-cond in their rooms, and we're using a fan.

But I've decided to be all grown up about this. I will not let it ruin my week, I've got a good week planned.

I have free invites to watch the Transformers premiere tomorrow night, and a dinner invitation followed by a Double Take jazz session on Saturday.

I will let events act themselves out, and if I'm not happy after that, well, I'm only living a floor up and can always come down to turn on all their lights.

You know, really use the electricity that she'll be making me pay for.

m/e

I don't know if I am, but I feel disjointed from my being.

I woke up this morning suddenly not knowing how I got here, whether I liked being how I am now, and if I did, why don't I feel entirely happy.

There are days when I think I've found purpose and I know what I am doing and what I'm doing it for, and there are days I just.. I don't even know what that's called.

And I don't think I'm the sort of person who gets really depressed. Sure, I get moody when my hormone levels are high or if I've had a shitty day, but not I-want-to-jump-out-the-window kind of moody.

I'm more controlled than that.

And maybe that's the problem.

in da hizzle, fo' shizzle

Anyone who knows her and is heading down to Singapore has to get Alli to do her impression of a Chinese rapper rapping in Chinese.

It is a revelation of awesome proportions.

Seriously, I just about died.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhaaa!!!

Realising that our moving out deadline was approaching, Moobs and I went to see a room across the street last Saturday.

It is smaller, furnished but a lot more expensive (they want us to absorb 70% of the electricity bill because we're the only room with aircond).

But we called them up Sunday evening to seal the deal.

While walking out for dinner that night, feeling slightly depressed that we've had to settle once again (there weren't other places up for rent), I consoled the both of us:

"Well, maybe there's something bigger planned for us. Who knows what this other place will bring us."

Around the corner, we saw a sign - not the fire bush kind, but two notices for two different places for rent.

Called both, the first one to no avail.

The second number picked up, and guess what? It was that house we sabotaged in May because we wanted the room so badly but couldn't afford to pay the extra month's rent, and it got taken up in the end by someone else in the end.

Well, the guy who took it up had an emergency and had to leave the country, so the room was up for grabs again.

:D
:D
:D
:D

Someone loves me.

Crossing my legs

Roach problems here have gotten so bad that my phobia has soared to new levels.

Every time my shirt or shorts brush against my leg, I panic and proceed to look down my shirt, pat myself all over and skip around to make sure nothing's on me.

And convinced that I haven't checked thoroughly enough, I peel all my clothes off just to be sure.

I am also convinced that when my head is throbbing from work, it's not actually from work but a roach army moving about in my head.

I had a nightmare that roachies weaseled into my ear/nose/vagina and made base there, which is why I now sleep with my ears and face covered with a pillow.

And I wear very tight panties to sleep.

Magic moments

You know what happens when you've been in a relationship for too long, and you adopt the characteristics of your other half (in my case, I am only 1/4 of the relationship, the other 2/4 are his xbox360 and smelly pillow 'Chao Chao'), including telling bad God-will-punish-us lame jokes.

For example,

#1. What does Emily Tan like to do in her free time?
Tancing.

#2. What's Alli's favourite animal?
Alliphant.

#3. What do Lam's babies wear?
Lampin (diaper in Malay).

#4. What's Em's favourite city?
Emsterdam.

#5. What do you call someone who likes Mervyn a lot?
A Mervert.


(all lame jokes must be followed by 'hur hur'.)



Note: We apologise for the damage incurred on any brain cells.

Sunday mornings

Today I woke up at 930am to a gleeful Moobs who was playing with my hands, puppeting them to do the 'Mantis Kung Fu'.

Not amusing :P

You jaga ya.

:D

---------------

Last night, at a mamak, I was given a fork to stir my tea.

Cannot make it.

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On moving out: We've found the perfect place.

It's a master room just a floor above our condo unit and comes with everything: a big bed, air-cond, water heater and enough floor space to do a Bollywood dance sequence.

BUT they need someone to move in now and we can't because our contract in this roach hole only ends on June 30, and we can't afford to lose our deposit.

Moobs and I are crossing our fingers that no one's interested in renting the place so that we can take it up at the end of the month.

And just in case someone will be interested, we (well, I) have gone around the neighbourhood, tearing down every single one of the room's advertisments.

I'm evil, I know.

Edit: My sobataging was foiled. Room rented out already :(

My hero.

While at Tesco today, a hag in a horrid Japanese typo shirt (it said MotoMoto or something) shimmied her way between me and the shelf I was looking at, and stomped on my toe.

She bloody stomped on my goddamn toe and didn't apologise and appeared oblivious that I was pissed (there's no way she didn't hear the "F*cking bitch" and "What's your problem?" I directed her way).

This is the part where my prince charming comes to the rescue.

He asks me which hag this is (she had wandered off by then), stalked her and took a jar of pasta sauce, a pack of sanitary pads and some other stuff from her shopping cart, and put it on a shelf far, far away.

Revenge!!!

MUA HAHAHAH HAHAHAHA!

*performs victory jig*


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While watching The Family Stone with Moobs and dealing with his irrational dislike for Sarah Jessica Parker:

Moobs: I don't like her. She looks like a horse.
Me: She's not so bad. She's got pretty eyes. Well, pupils.
Moobs: So does Black Beauty.
Me: Black Beauty who? Oh. The horse.


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"In Artford, Arriford and Amshire, urricanes ardly haver appen."

Just watched My Fair Lady. <3

Much ado about sex

Okay, this is how naive I am.

About two years ago, Moobs, TheCatLady* and I were out, having tea and spewing whatever nonsense that came to our minds.

Moobs and TheCatLady who were invariably more experienced than I was in all areas related to sex (in other words, I had none), were talking about the d.i.y. version of it, if you know what I mean.

Moobs: Sex toys blablabla sex toys blablabla showerhead pretty good?
TheCatLady: Oh YES, it's wonderful!
Me: What about it? Do you stuff it in?
*crickets chirping*

Come on. How would I know, right? I mean, it's not the usual sort of thing a simple-minded, small-town girl would know about. I think. I mean, I didn't know and I'm just assuming everyone's as kampung as I am.

Saying the word even is a problem, "Mmmaasstuur..." and it ends there.

Moobs says I've lived a sheltered life.

Well, call me a prude and slap me twice, then please help me get over this Catholic-packaged uncomfyness.

I need to talk about it.

<3

My girlfriend just:

woke up

wobbled over to the toilet to pee

switched on the bedroom lights

laid back down on the bed and grunted a few times

then went back to sleep again.

She's like a grizzly bear sometimes. Only cuter, and not so smelly.

Edit: I was ordering McDonalds on the phone and suddenly I heard behind me "I waaaaaaaaaant."

Edit part deux: Now she is awake. And predictably enough, she made me get her a drink from the kitchen.